I was in radiation treatment as a follow up to my breast cancer surgery. It was highly suggested as the route to pursue by my radiation oncologist. It made sense to do a clean sweep to eradicate any other roaming cancer cells left behind.
The first 15 days the treatment covered a wide span: my whole left breast, and the lymph nodes. As the time progressed into the third week, my body became saturated. The intensity grew too much. My nausea was non stop. I lost 2 more pounds. I was not eating properly because of the nausea. Indigestion, acid efflux, along with mouth sores that I never had. Worse, my brain was in a constant cycle of lucid to incoherence. Could not grasp simple statements. Bipolar moments stalked with extreme paranoia and panic. To the likes I wanted to just vomit. Then, run down the street screaming.
The treatment of 15 days ended. The next phase was a 5 day boost. This is where the radiation is focused solely on the area where the tumor was removed. And this is where my body no longer could tolerate more treatment. By the 3rd day all my symptoms above grew far more intense. The third day was on a Friday. So, I had the weekend to ponder how to endure my last 2 days of the boost.
For the last weeks I consulted with my guides. They had told me at day 9 that the last of my cancer cells had been cleared and flushed from my body. I was told there were 2 cells that were captured and purged. And I was clear. Yet, I kept on with the prescribed plan as per Doctor’s orders.
However, there came a point that I recognized my body was done. The benefit of doing more radiation was not apparent. In fact, my incapacitation was noted by my friends. The risks to continue seemed nonsensical. My guides did not disagree with my decision. And in many ways, signs pointed I was on target with my hunches to quit. Their whispers and nudges had me listening.
I had evaluated the pros and cons over the week. And decided to make a decision based on how I felt on Sunday. While I like to follow directives, this was one time my inner guide pushed me to be my own advocate. The Dr. told me that radiation keeps on working long after it has been received by my body. Up to months. That I would recover within a month after treatment stopped. On this note, I believe my decision to forgo those last 2 boosts justified. And, as I came to terms with my decision I learned to alter my beliefs as to who to listen to in these circumstance. I also evaluated whether my resistance was beckoning me once again. No. It was my logic and intuition that spoke loud to: follow my body talk.
I have been told repeatedly all our cancer journeys are unique; different for each one of us. In the end, it is our choice on how to heal best. Returning to the clinic each day was enjoyable, as the staff were awesome fun. But the last few days I felt like a cancer patient that would not heal unless I started to live life again. I wanted to return to a sense of normalcy with a positive daily routine. Recover my energy; gain lucidity; and I was ready to heal away from this cancer sojourn. I longed to ride my horses again, garden, finish my house and move into it by October. And, climb my 20% grade mountain to visit my old growth trees in the comfort and purity of nature. And, so I followed my inner guidance… continuing with the support of my oncology appointments.