While there are many ideations attached to the word VICTIM this article is an examination of our identify to roles played out inside interpersonal communications. This also includes the behaviors thereto.
The word VICTIM is not in my dictionary. Anymore. When life experiences pounded on my door to change my viewpoint, the very idea of participating in the role of victim no longer fit. Or, was welcome.
When a person plays the victim, they seek to blame others. They make excuses. Play helpless. Say it’s out of their control. Is playing a character role on stage a choice? Yes. And so is choosing your role.
People are unaware they are victims.
We are typically guided by our own learned behaviors. Often victim roles were taught in families of origin.
While you can be a totally responsible person, you can also play the victim. Trust me. I played that role extremely well.
It was not until I grew weary of the same scenarios that I took a hard look in the mirror. My problem was being too responsible. Ironically my choice made me a victim to my own irresponsibility to myself. And, this enabling was a huge disservice to my others. In effect, I allowed others to pile their ‘stuff’ on me. I was misguided and actually believed my good intentions would be recognized, even appreciated. Thus, I became the perfect enabler. My illogic told me others would see my overburden, and would step up to do their part. But they didn’t. They never do. We always pair with another to recycle learned behaviors, until we learn.
It takes 2 to tango.
After awareness, I saw the steps leading into a familiar dance. Yet, just didn’t know how to modify my behaviors. Then it dawned on me with such sweet simplicity. And clarity. I had found it difficult to say NO—when I was taught from my crib to say YES. Then a revelation came when I claimed No- and No More. It was empowering! With MY boundaries defined, my relationships knew where their boundaries were set. My communication became definitive, clear, and absolute. No longer were opportunists sharing my life. Sure some left. No loss. Attrition happens when you grow up.
Victim-hood does not exist in responsible relationships.
Self responsibility is self love. And, belongs to YOU alone. Daily attendance to your thoughts and habits are required while integrating new patterns to become routine. It is easy to change a thought; but it takes discipline to change a habit. Catching old character traits in action and rerouting your behaviors is completely self-directed. Once you bridge to healthier relationships you will wonder whatever took you so long.
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No reprints or copying without permission of the author, Patty Ann.