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Saying Good-bye vs. Needing Space in Relationships

The contrast is great and the energies shape shift daily. We are bombarded with staying aligned with our authentic self while sorting through our interpersonal relationships.

It is said people are in our life for a reason, a season, or a life time. We intend, and believe, some will last a lifetime. But, many may remain in our memory instead.

Relationships cannot, and should not, remain the same. Particularly when they are very long term. And we are ever evolving. Others will challenge our thoughts and beliefs as we grow. It is natural to have conflict that appears to severe all ties. However, sometimes we just need a long break from each other to have the space to grow differently, and independently.

Our relationships are built on a foundation of commonalities. A childhood. A shared place; such as school or work. An association with a particular community, or set of values. A marriage. It is not unusual that our growth may excel and need change while our others want to remain status quo. There is nothing wrong with either states of being. However new found awareness that transforms us, can separate us, as our perspectives evolve. Most often the unchanged wants to reclaim the person as they formerly were. And this is where relationships get rocky.

How do we know if our relationship is ending? There is usually a precipice that tips a partnership. We can go along and accept our differences for a long time. Yet, when one no longer wants to dance the same steps with their partner there may be cause to quit. Or, take a long break. In marriage, partnerships, friendships and family this scenario plays out in many dynamics. Long term relationships tend to hold on long after they are over because of hope to restore what once was. But the fact is, you cannot go back once you cross a bridge and decide to grow on. When both parties allow their others to evolve while each works on their own shadow-side, it is healthier. Working out stuff together typically is quite challenging. Because when individual reassessment and awareness occurs it succeeds best outside of the environment that was not conducive to growth.

Ask yourself if your relationship enhances and supports you in the way you want. Ask if you- and your other are transparent in sharing honestly all vulnerabilities. Ask if you have been truthful to yourself, or your other. Have you been accountable in your thoughts and actions. If your answers are NO, your relationship is either permanently over, or needs a long break to heal.

Often we do not want to severe a relationship that we have cherished. Yet events lead to a point of what may be no return. Perceptions of what once was, does not exist. When you are willing to say it is fine if this over, it releases you from any further expectations of another. In this release there is freedom of mind-body-spirit. Because it is an end of a want that can not be fulfilled. If your relationship had been lived in trust and truth, it will rekindle. If not, it is usually completed. When you surrender to saying good-bye you also give yourself permission to become healthier without being held back.

Every long term relationship is challenged at some point. The key is to be truthful to yourself, and your others. Using self-effacement, void of blame and judgment, one can determine whether a relationship will continue. It is only through trust and honesty you both can teach and reach your other. Because, trust is the true foundation of all lasting relationships.

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