Posted on

Live Your TRUTH!

Living your truth means taking ownership of every facet of your being. It means being aware- and accountable for your thoughts in action. And how your behaviors impact others.

However, to acknowledge and embrace your feelings is the root of true healing. Ownership empowers yourself with choices that produce favorable outcomes. From this self-responsible point you enable appropriate interactions. And communicate with others through sharing perspectives–and with ease.

Living Your Truth means abiding by how you feel at all times. By allowing your emotional state to reveal itself, this opens a doorway to accessing your truth within; finding true happiness; and accepting what is.

To illustrate this perspective: I had a four year estrangement from my adult children after divorcing. Those years challenged my belief systems to great lengths and beyond. I constantly railed against the question of WHY? My children and I had always been very close. They even encouraged the divorce over the years. Yet when I enacted it, I became their nemesis. It took a long while to discover it wasn’t about WHY it happened. “IT” was about my evolution. (Years later the WHYs were revealed.)

During those estranged years, I had work to do on ME. Namely, about getting my learned behavior- and thought patterns rearranged. And so, I dove deep. Into my entrenched beliefs. One that embedded deep-seated patterns from my family of origin and white-washed into my own. This unraveled profound emotions I had long denied. In retrospect this time out afforded me to complete this critical task.

My generation of women grew up with expectations of our place in society; and in our families. It was one of subservience. We denied our own feelings. In putting others before ourselves we diminished our own self worth. Tradition held we followed in our mother’s footsteps. As independent, capable and accomplished as I had been in my life; I started over. Dissecting my beliefs one by one. Examining circumstances I helped co-create. Letting my feelings and emotions out of my box to explode.

There was no blaming anyone, but myself for how I felt. I had to own my enabling participation in this estrangement dance. And troll out my life long habits. There was one big lesson in the midst: my feelings were perfectly valid- and natural. They were mine. And not to be buried or denied anymore.

The gifts were great. In care taking my feelings my interactions changed with my children. However, living my own truth was not always easy. Even after reconciliation. It challenged all of us to transcend our old ways. To become the next best and higher version of our self.

Thereafter, I set firm behavior boundaries. For my own health.  There was no falling back to antiquated paradigms. No more blurred innuendos. No more allowing expectation setting from others. Adopting a self-less modality allowed cooperative conversations. Communication with clarity emerged. Owning my feelings meant I took responsibility. “I statements” explained clearly to others how I perceived their actions; and how it affected me. This act is powerful because it allows others the opportunity to reflect without blame. And hear your requests. “I Statements” are key to healing all communication upsets.

Years later my son told me that I had always put my loyalties to the family above my own happiness. His statement spoke truth. I knew this in my heart, but denied myself all along. Life lessons that slam hard are meant for us to take ownership. Of our behaviors and thinking habits that may no longer serve us. BUT! It is our feelings when acknowledged that will pave the way to our truths.

Changing life-long feeling denial takes practice to re-habituate. Use feeling-awareness to familiarize and rewire new habit patterns. Be cognizant that different situations will arise to test your new found truths.  Lessons will repeat in diverse ways until your psyche becomes accustomed to this new healthy normal. Learn to recognize the hooks. Don’t take them personal. Acknowledge and validate your feelings and emotions. And know that these synchronized ‘tests’ are reminders to help you live your truth.

Below are books that offer related perspective, guidance and support. (Covers are linked.)

Copyright 2019. All rights reserved.
No reprints or copying without permission of the author, Patty Ann.

Posted on

Estrangement: A Personal Transition Journey

Times of deep trauma leading to transition reminds us not just how to survive, but cope successfully. Eventually, lessons learned grant a deeper sense of self worth, understanding, and insight.

Every person, who has experienced a family Estrangement, has a heartfelt journey. It is a path of discovery, processing, surrender, and resolve. Surviving estrangement can-and will redefine your life. Mine did that for me.

While well on the other side of “Estrangement”, I would like to offer some ideas and suggestions: Hard won conclusions that worked for me, in hopes they may help you.

Put Yourself First!

The old adage: You can only change yourself and nobody else, is an ultimate estrangement journey truth. And, this euphemism is a lasting reminder in the there-after. In reflection, estrangement was an extreme opportunity to retrain and re-frame my thoughts into a healthier paradigm for my future self.

Estrangement gifted much. It taught me how to set healthy boundaries. How to say NO- and No More. How to caretake, putting my emotional-spiritual-mental health FIRST. That learned behaviors are a bitch. But, that I could unwind them. And mindfully rewire how I perceive; thus RE-receive a life I deserved to lead. That meant being of free will; namely where I put my thoughts. And, regardless of external relationships, my choices stood independent; outside the influence of circumstance.

Redirecting our focus onto ourselves FIRST > is the FIRST step back to reclaiming our happiness.

One Day at a Time

Primarily, we LIVE where our thoughts are focused. Our thoughts and perceptions are ours alone which create our individual reality. Changing a thought is simple. BUT IT IS NOT EASY. It takes mindful discipline to redirect unpleasant thinking into feel good thoughts. Especially so during estrangement.

Start small. With one thought attached to one feeling at one time. Become very aware of how you feel when you think a thought. If you FEEL good when a thought comes, hold onto it. Remember it. Revel in it. FEEL good thoughts are the stepping stones that bridge us to more happy thoughts. FEEL good thoughts help heal. Thoughts that FEEL delightful are vehicles that drive you to peace, resolve and return you to your true nature. It is the emotion linked to a thought that catapults you to FEEL something. Harness that FEEL GOOD emotion. Memorize your body responses so you can return back to your happy spot often.

You are where your thoughts live. Be cognizant towards replacing ugly thinking with calming, FEEL GOOD thoughts. Remember or fantasize happy times. Either from your youth– or how you’d like to reinvent your life going forth. Your thoughts and what you want to do with them is about YOU, alone. Play the conductor to your train of thoughts. Be your own engine that forges ahead to reach nirvana.

Challenges Offer Opportunity

Estrangement makes a person strong. Our beliefs are destined to be rearranged. We need to own our issues. Particularly our thinking paradigms, which get challenged until we take an ernst look at them. Examine every thought’s worth in your life. Then redirect, reform and redesign. There is no turning back. Innocence is always lost to knowledge. Paddle your canoe downstream. Go with the flow. Learn from ITS passage. Resist, and estrangement (or any other temporary hardship) will devour you.

In times of deep contrast and upset, we always have a choice. How and what to think- each and every moment. Changing your thoughts will change your reality. Start by doing one GOOD FEELING deed a day. Just ONE. Eat a chocolate. Read a book. Take a walk. Meditate. Listen to music. Pet an animal. Anything to get those good vibes flowing back to YOU.

You do NOT have to experience estrangement to bring about a drastic thinking paradigm shift. Any situation of deep contrast, will urge, if not force you to change your beliefs. It just so happened that estrangement was my trans-formative catalyst. One that enabled a most necessary adjustment to–and for my life.

Copyright 2018 PattyAnn.net