I am clairvoyant.
I also knew it was not a death sentence. It would be a blink of time that I had to endure. See, I came here to soak up every human experience. Some very tough. Why? To evolve my consciousness. To lend perspective. And help others on their path. But, I am saturated with the tough stuff now. And would prefer my future growth come from happy spots.
I was born awake, with my clairvoyance intact. Took it for granted. Thought everyone had the same abilities. Until 3rd grade. Then I realized most all people were unaware of being unaware.
I was not allowed to close the door on the visions, the knowings, the whispers. I tried. But for not. So I grew with it. Studied it. Read about it. Silently practiced it. I pretty much kept it to myself because of my bipolar heritage.
Years ago, I took a medical intuition workshop. A practitioner told me I was a FRONT RUNNER. I asked what he meant. He said it is one who leads their pack. A wolf pack. That my lead was so far out in front I did not even know it.
I can share so many amazing consciousness connections. But I will stick to how my clairvoyance helped with my cancer journey. It’s important to note, I live aligned. Meaning my body-mind-spirit is connected to my soul self… pretty much all the time. (Except, when someone or thing upsets me.) This divinity allows me to communicate easily with other dimensions… my spirit guides, angels, cosmic entities and transitioned people and animals. As well, I can easily tap into the essence of the earth and nature.
Sometimes I am strongly called to challenges that don’t appear to make earthly sense. Such as buying my property with a heavenly view. I even told others that buying the property didn’t make any sense because it was a fixer project to the likes I had never encountered. And I have done a few. But IT called me badly. I didn’t understand it at the time. But, now I see my property may well have saved my life.
I don’t dwell on my health, however, I was not kind to my body this last year. I pushed my physical strengths beyond limits with my property construction, set up and prep to build a new home. And because of my determination my left side crippled. My ribs got dislocated. Next to it I felt a growing lump. Figured I ripped a tendon. Told several I probably was going to have surgery in June. So I got a referral to see a chiropractor…and a mammogram, just in case. Then found through biopsies I had a malignant tumor.
The whispers and signs started 7 months earlier. The breast cancer commercials blared louder than anything else on the radio for months prior to knowing. They annoyed me actually. In conversation, people talked about their cancer. It grew to be prevalent. A whisper each time said, Don’t Think It Can’t Happen to YOU.
My mother’s spirit always shows up when there was a family disquiet. With deep compassion and concern she hovers at my right shoulder. Mom does not vocalize words. I never know what her visits are about, but the cause to her appearances are typically revealed within short order.
My late brother and I had a pact. That whoever got to the other side first would reach back and support the other if needed. We were close. I miss him here on earth a lot. After his exit in 2010 we talked for 5 years. One day he said he had stuff on his side to do. That I didn’t need him–his input anymore. But, if I did he would come back and counsel me. I understood, but asked him why—what was he doing? He said he was working with energy. The stuff we use to talk about. That I would really like it. But don’t rush to get there, as I had an agenda to accomplish here. I got it and let him go.
I had not been to the doctor for a few years. I appreciated my perfect health. But this last year I faltered. A whiplash that made my head hurt. Thought I had a concussion. A severed fingernail had to be stitched back. The things that got me to get doctored. After these short episodes, my brother Bob arrived. He told me: “Pat, you are not going to like this next event. AT ALL.” (He called me Pat; I called him Bob. Short pet names) I asked what was it? But Bob said, “You’ll see.” I heeded his vibrational tone because I knew he knew. And I felt the way he transmitted the message, it was not good.
Bob, visited during my hurting time. Asked how I was doing. Told him I knew my body would heal. It always had. Bob shook his head at me. I was resisting. My brother came back and urged me to care take myself better. He was frustrated because I was not my normal proactive self. The dead cells in my body, twisted my normally logical perception. My consciousness was drifting away too much. The tiny tumor was a vampire. Sucked my energy dry.
I talked to my siblings. The ones still living. They advised: see a chiropractor. I listened. And did as my body would not recover without help. And, got the mammogram too.
I was not afraid of the cancer, or of dying. I was afraid of the procedures as I had never had anything happen to my body that required surgery, anesthesia, biopsies, the rest. I was, however, resistant. My Bob came to me one night with a stern message. He said in his blunt, frank fashion: Pat it comes down to this: YOU HAVE THE CHOICE. TO LIVE, OR NOT. YOU CHOOSE. Just treat this like one of your projects and you’ll get through it.
“But I don’t want IT to hurt,” I said. Ironically I had hurt for the last 7 months. Bob, said, “The correction won’t hurt as much as letting it go. Get on IT.” I knew truth when I heard it. Then Bob said, “Along this journey you are going to have MANY choices. MANY. Listen to us, we can help guide you. Listen to your soul self.” I thought this would be easy- and clear cut. Not so.
Not long after, one of my spirit guide(s) said they didn’t want me on their side JUST YET. I was valued more on earth where I had come to help animal awareness to blossom. YES. I had made this pact long ago.
On the mammogram day discovery, Dr. G had said I would be having metal markers put in my body during the biopsy. I didn’t like the idea of metal in my body at all. They didn’t educate me enough to understand. I was ignorant. So, I went to the internet to find these metal clips had caused lawsuits. Some women got infected. It was routine, at one time, to never tell any surgery patient they had these markers implanted in them…until lawsuits made doctors confess and patients had to give permission. I decided I was not going to have the metal marker. Period.
Biopsy day number one. Never do a procedure at the end of the day. My appointment was at 2:00pm. Finally got in the ultrasound room 40 minutes late. The lab tech was arguing with her computer. She was on the phone with computer techs. 30 minutes later it was resolved. Things were stirred up, and behind.
Dr. H comes in, introduces herself. She was in git-er-done mode. Said the biopsy used the ultrasound machine so they could see where to pull the needle samples. There would be 4 samples taken on both the cyst and nearby lymph node. After each, a marker would be inserted. She was spouting off stuff so fast. I made some silly comment because I was overwhelmed. She got offended. A bit of a tiff followed. I told her she was throwing a lot my way, and I had not been informed about much.
Then I told her I did not want the metal markers. To which Dr. H went on a rampage of sorts. She said I had cancer… oh, she tripped a boundary… not suppose to say that until they know for certain. She was animated and assertive. Said she KNEW I had cancer.
Then she says if I don’t accept the marker, and they get the biopsy results saying it IS cancer; at surgery the surgeon would just lop both breasts off because they didn’t know where the tumor was. End of story. I was almost laughing, thinking: They can’t do that without MY consent. She says I had 4 minutes to decide because she was going to start now, numb me, do the needle pulls, and I had to tell her prior.
I told her she was asking me to make a decision I do not have any information about. Nobody educated me about biopsies et AL. Plus. It took me 8 months just to decide which new car I wanted… and this body was my main vehicle!
She harped fear at me. That did not work. I wanted logical reasons. Meanwhile my brother entered my sphere on my right temporal side was shaking his head NO, wildly. On my left, my spirit guide was shaking her head NO too. The room was full of opinions and I had no clarity. My head was swirling.
I said, “Look, I do not want metal in me.” Then Dr. H says she can put a carbon one in me. Maybe they were more expensive. Don’t know. But carbon made more sense to me. We are made of carbon.
She said I had 4 minutes to decide as I got on the ultrasound table. Bob and my guide wouldn’t shut up. I thought they were agreeing—telling me don’t do it. I was laying there, my mind went blank; everyone quieted. I went within myself. Then I told the Dr. to put the carbon markers in as she started the procedure. Everyone shut up in my head and we began the procedure which didn’t end well.
The Dr. did not numb me completely. And I had to endure those damn last 3- 18 gauge needles ripping through my tissues to extract the cells below. I suffered. And gave the Dr. and tech a surprise when after they sat me up, I slumped back and passed out. My body shook violently. I let it. My boob hurt horrendously. What a nightmare. With the clunky zero compassion etiquette that followed.
Did my resistance cause this to happen? Doubtful. Maybe. Doesn’t matter now. But it was an event we both co-created. AND. It was a wake up call for me to quell this resistance I tend to carry. Also, it was a big wake up call to Dr. H to take more consideration and time for each patient regardless of her hurried agendas.
The second biopsy was to be with another Dr. because I insisted. I was in the bio consult room waiting to go in when I was told there was a last minute switch, back to Dr. H. I panicked noticeably. The tech got me water, and said I could switch to a later time with another Dr.
I stopped. Got a grip. And, aligned myself thoughtfully. Said Dr. H was fine. Let’s do it. When Dr. H came in, she immediately, profusely apologized for the prior week. Several times. I told her I knew she was a good Dr. And thanked her for pushing me to make a decision that was correct. We worked it out and the 2nd biopsy went great. Most times it’s better to hug your dragon, rather than slay it.
My brother and spirit guide(s) did not interfere. From there I trusted the surgery process because everyone was very compassionate, and competent. Bob, my mother, my guides stood close by with care.
I got it. Resistance would only make matters worse. In fact, resistance could kill me. Resistance is natural when being introduced to anything new. It’s a basic human survival skill. We all have it. Often, our pain comes from the resistance to what is going to- or has happened. The paradox here: I always picked paths of great resistance just to conquer the puzzle. I liked challenge. Just NOT this ONE.
I use to fear my clairvoyance for what came to pass. But, as I evolved it became evident life continues beyond our body- and this physical 3rd dimension. This is one passage where my clairvoyance was a benefit and helped guide my way. I never had doubts for my future welfare. Because I saw myself riding my horses, living in my house now being built, and festive lights hanging off my front deck during the holidays.
When I knew of the tumor, I walked up my hill and sat among my old growth fir and oak trees. Many spirits were present. They began to show me so many amazing experiences that were waiting ahead. PLEASANT ONES ONLY. It was overwhelming and I stopped absorbing, and threw the visions away. I do not want to know. Instead, I yearn for the magic of surprises.
On the way down the hill, I was shown my black tumor in a glow of white light. With every careful step down, the tumor faded. And then disappeared. Right then a large hawk swept low in the tree canopy and purposely perched on a branch right above me. I stopped and stared. Wondered why it was so bold to sit in the dark, of my descending path. It stared back. It’s message was clear that I would prevail. And then the hawk reaffirmed my future. He took flight. Out, up on a breeze. The wing span magnificent as it disappeared in the distance of the bright blue sky. I was at peace with what was to come.
The hawk presenting himself was a sign sent from the divine. To acknowledge that my journey was engineered with another obstacle that I would successfully navigate. It was built with intent, for a powerful expansion of my consciousness. A significant spiritual symbol, the hawk echoed my soul sojourn would be redirected. And, I too, would ascend to heavenly heights.
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