Times of deep trauma leading to transition reminds us not just how to survive, but cope successfully. Eventually, lessons learned grant a deeper sense of self worth, understanding, and insight.
Every person, who has experienced a family Estrangement, has a heartfelt journey. It is a path of discovery, processing, surrender, and resolve. Surviving estrangement can-and will redefine your life. Mine did that for me.
While well on the other side of “Estrangement”, I would like to offer some ideas and suggestions: Hard won conclusions that worked for me, in hopes they may help you.
Put Yourself First!
The old adage: You can only change yourself and nobody else, is an ultimate estrangement journey truth. And, this euphemism is a lasting reminder in the there-after. In reflection, estrangement was an extreme opportunity to retrain and re-frame my thoughts into a healthier paradigm for my future self.
Estrangement gifted much. It taught me how to set healthy boundaries. How to say NO- and No More. How to caretake, putting my emotional-spiritual-mental health FIRST. That learned behaviors are a bitch. But, that I could unwind them. And mindfully rewire how I perceive; thus RE-receive a life I deserved to lead. That meant being of free will; namely where I put my thoughts. And, regardless of external relationships, my choices stood independent; outside the influence of circumstance.
Redirecting our focus onto ourselves FIRST > is the FIRST step back to reclaiming our happiness.
One Day at a Time
Primarily, we LIVE where our thoughts are focused. Our thoughts and perceptions are ours alone which create our individual reality. Changing a thought is simple. BUT IT IS NOT EASY. It takes mindful discipline to redirect unpleasant thinking into feel good thoughts. Especially so during estrangement.
Start small. With one thought attached to one feeling at one time. Become very aware of how you feel when you think a thought. If you FEEL good when a thought comes, hold onto it. Remember it. Revel in it. FEEL good thoughts are the stepping stones that bridge us to more happy thoughts. FEEL good thoughts help heal. Thoughts that FEEL delightful are vehicles that drive you to peace, resolve and return you to your true nature. It is the emotion linked to a thought that catapults you to FEEL something. Harness that FEEL GOOD emotion. Memorize your body responses so you can return back to your happy spot often.
You are where your thoughts live. Be cognizant towards replacing ugly thinking with calming, FEEL GOOD thoughts. Remember or fantasize happy times. Either from your youth– or how you’d like to reinvent your life going forth. Your thoughts and what you want to do with them is about YOU, alone. Play the conductor to your train of thoughts. Be your own engine that forges ahead to reach nirvana.
Challenges Offer Opportunity
Estrangement makes a person strong. Our beliefs are destined to be rearranged. We need to own our issues. Particularly our thinking paradigms, which get challenged until we take an ernst look at them. Examine every thought’s worth in your life. Then redirect, reform and redesign. There is no turning back. Innocence is always lost to knowledge. Paddle your canoe downstream. Go with the flow. Learn from ITS passage. Resist, and estrangement (or any other temporary hardship) will devour you.
In times of deep contrast and upset, we always have a choice. How and what to think- each and every moment. Changing your thoughts will change your reality. Start by doing one GOOD FEELING deed a day. Just ONE. Eat a chocolate. Read a book. Take a walk. Meditate. Listen to music. Pet an animal. Anything to get those good vibes flowing back to YOU.
You do NOT have to experience estrangement to bring about a drastic thinking paradigm shift. Any situation of deep contrast, will urge, if not force you to change your beliefs. It just so happened that estrangement was my trans-formative catalyst. One that enabled a most necessary adjustment to–and for my life.
Copyright 2018 PattyAnn.net